just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
