Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
