Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
