I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I love you.
Bad choice
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
