porn star boner night. come get it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
