They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
