How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
