Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
