it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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