nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He better not be in your backpack
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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