Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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