he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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