The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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