You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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