had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
