god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
