Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
