Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
