i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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