This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
