Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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