he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
