what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This baby is an asshole
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
