Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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