well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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