Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
