can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
