i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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