that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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