she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
