before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
