meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
