Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
