I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
