You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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