that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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