Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
