btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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