You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
