I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
