he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
