Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Come on in and take your pants off
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