Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
