hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
