dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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