I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
