see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
