I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
