Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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