I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
