He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
whose parrot is this?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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