I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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