Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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