im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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