She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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